Ok, so I seriously need to figure out my life! I have WAY to much going on to handle it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm good at handling alot of stuff at one time but this time I think I have to many big things. Maybe that's why I decided to start a blog so I'd have someone/something to talk to to help me sort it out. Who knows!!

I have to admit though it's a little weird to write a blog online since I'm not sure who can and can't read it. Hopefully not the whole word. I don't even really know where to start or what to say besides the fact that I'm STRESSED!

Hum...so I guess I'll start here. Ya know the whole point in your life where you have this picture of what the rest of your life will look like? Well mine was of course the "normal life"...married with kids, living in a cute little home, etc etc. Well my life didn't exsactly turn out that way; Yes I am married and have a little boy who is my world and I live in a house, but, my son is not my husbands son, my marriage is not what I had always hoped it would be, and the house I'm living in happens to be my parents house. So as you can guess those things kinda add up to ALOT of stress!

This all started about a year and a half ago when my husband and I discussed getting a divorce because things just wernt going well. Long story short, we took a break, I got pregnant by an ex boyfriend, my husband and I decided to work it out, we got back together I moved to the beach with him and now here we are living our not so great life. I mean yes we have good times, I don't want to make it sound like it's the worst marriage in the world or he's the worst husband because that would be far from the truth. He is a great husband...he is sweet and caring, he loves me for me and he loves my son just to name a few things. The problem is, is that we are complete opposits! Ya, Ya I know...opposits attract. What they don't tell you is that they attract but don't always work out.

Things between my husband and I have always been a little stressful I guess you could say...I mean we have nothing in common, he loves and I mean LOVES cars and I could give a shit about them. Although I have tried to learn a few things about them I just don't get it. I like car colors and to drive cars but thats about it. And than there is me, I like to scrapbook and shop, watch movies whatever, but he doesn't. We hardly do anything together because we can't find anything to do together. We have completley different types of friends (or in most cases he has friends and I don't..thats a whole other story) so it's always awkward when we hang out with his friends or mine (or lack there of). To add to this we come from completley differnt backgrounds.

So I guess all that leads me to this...I'm trying to figure out what to do in my life and in my marriage. Yes I would LOVE LOVE LOVE for my marriage to work and to be one of those couples that can say 50 years from now that we have been married for that long, however I have a hard time seeing that. I know that when I look back over the past few years, nothing has changed...which than leads me to look at the future and realize that nothing is going to change. It's a sad feeling really! more sad than stressful. I'm the type of person that has a really hard time with failing...and in this situation I feel like I am REALLY failing hard and so I'm trying really hard to fix it but am slowly realizing that I can't. I guess truthfully I can say I'm heart broken. Yes I've had my heartbroken in the past but this is a whole new heartbroken....one that truely SUCKS!! I know that deep down I know what I need to do and what I should do but the whole idea of doing it is scary and makes all of what I said above become a reality. Having the past 8 years of your life suddenly change to the unknown is not an easy decision to make. It makes it even harder when you know that your other half truely does love you!!

I guess thats all for now, I have alot more but I'm going to stop there.